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                    <text>MANUSCRIPT

�Manuscript

�O Copr lrght 1995 by the Manusclipt Society. All rights leserued. Printed in
the Uniterl States of Arnerica. No palt of this pubiication may be lept'oduced.
stolecl rn a letlieval system, ol tlansmitted in any fotm ol by any meatls,
electlonrc. rnechanical. photocopying. recordin-s. 01'otl-rerwise without plior
peln.ris:ion of the publishers: Wilkes Universitl,, Wilkes-Barre, PA 18766.
The \lanuscript Societ)' accepts subrnissions from Wilkes University students. iacLrltr. and ahulli.

Volume

XLYIII

MCMXCV

�Tasrr

oF CoNTENTS
POETRY

i995 Poctnl Contest Wittner

\1ine Fires
i995 Poetnl Contest Rtrnner-tqt
Fsr Crving Out Loud
Shared Treasure

rDaddy Can You Hear Me?)
Vicarious Rebirth
\-iolent Moment
Plaving The Game
\\'hat She Hears In Her Head
Crace
Loosened

(It's davs like this)
Best Damn Popcom

l Er.cr Ate
(that su,eatshirt of vours)
-{ Bitter Woman
Ianuary Five 9 Five
Burial Ground
Rain Shorver

Neried

1995 Prose Contest Winner

The Prize Inside the Cereal Box
1995 Drama Contest Winner
Blackness

Footprints
Unsuspecting
(The smoke filtering...)

Lazurus and The Butcher
TheNightmare
Confession of
a Daughter of Cain

Art ContestWinner
The Dead, the Dying, and
tl're Struggle Within

Bill Rasmovicz
Susan Kovaleski

t7

Donna Bytheway
Marisa Rae

6
6

Susan Kovaleski
Ed McGinnis

Tim Williams
Holly Jones
Bill Rasmovicz
Ed McGinnis
Marisa Rae
Susan Kovaleski

Marisa Rae
Karen Ziagos

TimWilliams
Susan Kovaleski
Patfy Puerling
Ed Mccinnis

10
13
15
76

27
28
28

30
30
35

37
38
39

40

PROSE &amp; DRAMA
Karen Ruduski

)q

Eric Riviera

11

Deirdre Swinden

7

Tarah Trivelpiece
Tarah Trivelpiece
Bernie Kovacs

74

24
25

Deirdre Swinden

31

Susan Kovaleski

36

ART

1995

Decisions

Amy Blease

Untitled

Anonymous

2X2X12073

Changes

Untitled
Eve of the Second

RobertWittman

Millenium

RobertWittman
Amy Blease
Henry Bisco
Donna Bytheway

COVET

18
79

20
27

22
23

�MaruuscRrPT Srarr
Eclitors

Ed McGinnis
Deirdre Swinden

Art Editor
Donna Bytheway
Assistnnt Editors

Tarah Trivelpiece
Karen Ziagos
Society Members

Barbara Campbell
Bernie Kovacs
Susan Kovaleski

Andita Parker-Lloyd
Mario Sayllo
Tim Williams

Aduisor
Bonnie C. Bedford

In addition to publishing this magazine, the Manuscript also sponsors
readings and workshops on campus with poets, fiction writers, and
dramatists. Trips to other performances and conferences to New
York, New Jersey and within the state are also sponsored by the
society. Manuscript meetings are held every Thursday at noon, on the
third floor of Chase Hall. If you would like to get involved in next
year's publication, please feel free to join the weekly meetings.

�MIwE Fmrs
Having only heard stories
and never really known our father's fathers,
we crept into the breaker
expecting to find their skeletons
thrown up on racks like moldy coats
in the cellar stairway,
jaws still locked and caught in mid sentence.
We were young. Anything was possible
we knew. For years
we fashioned the huge spaces within;
cogs sti11 grinding, faces
sealed in dust in the high, black windows,
the eternity of machines.
One by one then and holding on to each other's
shirts, we found ourselves inside, stumbling
over the wreckages of wood and steel,
over the vacant dreams of all that was happening, trying
to peel back with every step
the thin membranous darkness.
We were scared. Scared of what we'd find,
of ghostly encounters, but scared more perhaps
to learn of what had never been therejust the skin and bones of words and memories that our
parents had to dig out for us
and the invisible remains of life's tragic lives.
Discovering there was nothing left behind,
we quickly wanted out!
And so, having never gotten to know our father's
fathers, we left running, screaming, smashing
windows, assuring ourselves we'd never return:

Their secret identities trapped
like a little flame at the core of our hearts.
To this day if you look to the North
you can see smoke rising from the cracks.
Four hundred feet in the side of this mountain
there are fires still burning
in the deepest fissure, the darkest vein.

BILL RASMOVTCZ

)

�Suannn TnTRSURE
As we walked beside the sandy road
the sun flashed off a semi-buried crystal.
We stooped and dug out with our fingers
a faceted, glass doorknob.
To the nine year oid boy, it was a diamond
which he laid upon the pillow
of his sleeping great-grandma.

DONNABYTHEWAY

6
Daddy can you hear me?
another notch on my bedpost...

No salvation there little one
Tell your Mommy you're coming soon.
She won't like you there
birds and bees sting...
my daddy teaches me.

MARISARAE

�FoorpnINTS
DEIRDRE SWINDEN
"This sucks."

"MurphY Anderson You watch dat
tongue afor i rip it right outta yo' mouth'"

But it seemed true enough' This really
did. suck, the rain, the tightin'. Everythin' was
jus unbearable. Thekitchenwas stiflin'me sos
i f,ua to get out. Murphy provided my relief'
Someone to shout at was always useful'
"But Ma," he saYs an I smacked his

mouth.

"But Ma nothin'. You march Yo'self
right up those stairs this instant. An dun you

thlnk a comin' down here 'afor supper's ready'
Now git."
The boy in a pair of dungarees and a tshirt scooted up the stairs. Strange un, that
kid. Of my two sons, he was the brightest and
the most promisin', but he sure was strange'
Never complained a day in his 'tire life where
as my youngest, Smith, was a whiner'
"Momma! Dat rain! It's comin' in da
door!" Smith's voice called me from the edge
of the stairs. The light front door had dun
blowed itself oPen and the rain was a rushing
inside. I flew over and slammed it shut'
"Ain't nuff it's hotter 'an F{ades' Gotta
rain onmyrugs too." I turned tomy son' "It's
alright baby. We're safe in this house'"
"No we're not."
His matter o'fact tone dun shocked me'
"Well we most certainly arel Don't you
git upset sweetie."
"No Momma, we're not safe' MurPhY
say we ain't safe with thatman es..es"escaped
yesterday."
"
ll{as Murphy been tellin' the 'lunatic
dun come t a gity i story' garn?" Smith nodded
and I pulled him to mY breast.
"He says when it rains theY all come
out an git whoever they find. They won't git
us will they? Dem lunatics?"
I laughed and squeezed mY son'
"Come on. Let's You anme go see what
we're makin' DaddY for suPPer'"

Smith trailed after me inta the kitchen
and we went about our normal battle about
what ta eat. Chicken,I would say, and Smith
would shake his head. Hot dogs, he would
say and I would argue for the chicken' Finally,
when we had decided we would have chicken,
I glanced up at the clock.
"Go wash uP, DaddY'llbe home soon'"
"No he won't."
I glanced uP to find MurPhY had been
standin' in the doorwaY.
"What are You talking'bout?"
"Dad is not coming home, not tonight,
not ever."
"MurphY Anderson don'tYou ever say
such morbid things in this house' Smith go
wash up. MurPhY sit Yerself dolvn'"
Smith made a run for the bathroom as
I stared at my oldest. A flash caught my eye' 7
From wherei was standin', the bay winda by I
the door was barely visible. Somethin' had
just passed it. I gasped and then berated
*ytuf. It was only a leaf or a branch or
somethin'.
Or someone.
I glancedback atMurphy' Nothin' had
moved iept his eyes, which were now fixed
on the winda.
"MurPhY?"
He didn't move.

"MurPhY!"

He glinied at me and then turned and
fled back uP the stairs.

Outiide the storm raged, banging

boldly on my door 'til it finally kicked it's way
in. 'Stead of chasing my son, I chased the
raindrops away from mY floor as I
slammed the door again.

Fifteen minutes found Smith and I
settin' in the bay wihdow at the front of the
house. Peering through the sheets of rain, we
could barely make out the driveway'

�Sixteen minutes an I shifted my position
for the eighteenth time.
"Momma, where's Daddy?" Smith
asked and I dropped my worried eyes to his.
"I dun know sweetie. He's late. It's the
rain."
"No Momma, get it through your skull.
He's not coming home tonight."
Murphy's voice slapped atme. I turned
'round to find the boy behind me. His blond
hair was tussled beyond combing, the almost
white eyes were starin' straight at me. He
didn't look like a part of this family. Smith
was a smaller version of his father, but
Murphy....well, who knew what recessive

never acted so bad.
"Stop it! Stop sayin' that. Git to bedl

NOW!"
He was still standin' there, justa

gawkin'

at me.

"NOW!"
'1y'l,hy you love him so much? FIe's
never done shit for you. I've seen him hit you.
I've heard you screamin'. Heard you cryin'. I
know he's dead Momma. You never have to
cry again. Never again. Ain't you happv
now? Now that he's gone?"
I stared, gapin' at this boy in front of
me.

"You are no son o' mine. Git ta bed fore
I paddle yai' I sputtered.
"Murphy why are you saying this?"'
"Mama he's gone! The lunatic dun got
He stood and gawked at me.
him! I know it!"
"Murphy answer me."
"Go ta bed."
He shrugged.
With that Murphy gave me a glare and
"What's for dinner, Momma?"
marched up them steps. I somehow made my
He turned his back on me and plopped way ta the couch and thought about what
down in front of the T.V.
Murphy had just confessed. And I thought
"We might as well eat. Dad's not gonna about Murphy. The boy seemed to think
to make it."
himself more a man than he should. He seemed
"Momma! Why's he sayin' dat?" I to think his father was gone, he thought himself
glanced at Smith. He crawled inda my lap and the head of the house. Smith climbed up next
stared up at me, tears cloudin' the beautiful to me and I clutched him and prayed.
genes he had.

I

eyes.

"It's airight. Daddy'll be home soon.
We'll wait for awhile yet to eat," Isaid more to
Murphy than Smith.

Two hours and we were puttin' the
dishes in the machine. The clock on the walI

Four more hours and Smith was in
bed. I was dozin' on the couch watchin'- the
Iate news. Every so often the door would
swing open 'tilI finally had ta bolt it.
"Man aged...escaped from...
asylum...and is said....still in the.....of Blue
Lake.....Residents....warned to be on...for a
man....tattoo over right elbow and very large
feet. Seems strange folks, but they are

struck nine.
"Dammit Jonathan, where ate you?" I
slammed my fist into the counter, and it was
as if the door heard and understood that I
wanted someone to enter. The storm tried unusually large feet. The man may be armed
again ta fling itself inside my livin' room, but and is very dangerous. Please stay indoors
it wouldn't deliver my husband on its winds. and tuned to CBS for further news."
Murphy managed to close it this time. The
I flicked off the broadcast and
storm seemed to be dyin'. Slowly, but it was shuddered. I didn't like the fact that the door
dyin'.
came open so easy, and I was'fraid. Jonathan
"Momma, he's dead."
wouldbe home soon. He had ta be. I shutmy
I stood, shocked stupid for a second. I eyes, and before I knew it, I was sound asleep.
didn't know what to do with my child. He had
I woke to a breeze blowin' 'cross my

�feet and the rest of my body shiverin'
uncontrollably. I rubbed my eyes and glanced
at the clock. I had been asleep for two hours,
and the clock had just struck three. I glanced
around, wonderin' where the breeze was
comin' from. The door had somehow come
open again. I got up, mumblin' as I did so.
"Goddamn locks won't even keep the
rain out. Shee-it." It took my tired body u tltUe
longer to fight the wind than before but I
finally managed ta close the door. It never
occured ta me thatthelocks onthe doorweren't
damaged. Someone had opened it this time.
Someone on the inside. I turned and leaned
against it, laughing at the movie star picture it
drew in my head.
Something caught the light on the floor.
Silver. And small.
I crossed to the thing quickly,myheart
picking up a beat every step. I crouched and

and the driver side door was ajar. And three
feet away lay my husband, face up on the
gravel.
'Jonathan!" I cried and rushed to his
side. Open eyes stared at me. The rain pelted
those eyes, makin'it look like he was cryin'. I
screamed and run back to the house fast as I
could. I pressed my body against the front
door and sobbed.
And screamed again.
There on the floor, imprinted on the
carpet, and standin' alone on the hard wood,
these were the biggest I ever did see, these 'uns
were.
And the feets thatmade these footprints
now stood in my kitchen door.
Laughin'.

examined it.

A ring.
A weddin'ring.
That matched the one on my finger.
"Jonathan?" I asked into the house.
There was no answer. I stood and glanced
around. The rest of the floor was wet.
"Momma?" Murphy drew my
attention away from the fioor.
"Go to bed honey, go now."
"I think I saw dat guy from T.V., dat
lunatic? He's hidin' out in the tree. Smith will
get scairt if he sees him."
I choked.
"Go to bed honey, Daddy's home, he's
just in the kitchen. You were dreamin'."
Murphy turned and wentto his room, rubbing
his eyes. I stood staring at the air he had
vacated, wonderingif I should look anywhere
eise. Like the tree.
I opened the front door and ventured
out on the porch. The rain had let up some, but
the wind was a tryin' to rape me. I looked out
at the tree, and then stepped off the porch.
Nothin'.
There was nothin' in the tree at least.
The driveway, however, was a sight. I let out
a gasp as I looked at the car. My husband's car,

9

�VICARIOUS REBIRTH
Sweetness melts
upon the eyes

10

of naive humanity
at the birth of a
personal savior.
lost but two years before
in the red shadow of my
two sister suns
rve raised
our eyes
to the new white light
born to preserve
the last of our youth.
warming.
its
chaste figure
graces
the walls

within
with
laughter

SUSAN KOVALESKI

�l

BrncxNESS
ERIC RIVIERA
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'; .tll lrumnn lifc. Not n souttd fnr the next t'czu secottds. . . tinrc being n little ltlryet: thatr benrn[tle for any
.i::n'il lttuttntt rcsltottc,c. .
.

.'.titttlrcr ktrcck, s{mrc as lsst.lt eclroes tltrough the sytnce tobe receioerl
.tttl.ietrce douhtittg if tlrere's atty rt:nl nctors in the idrole play. .

btltotnl

silence , sti/lttess . . . the

lrcsr tlte cnerge tic yt.otrttdittg ttt' t'ootsttLts cotttiug nround the second
flttrtr and doittu tlte steps.
i :tt11,11J, nge three, ru trc frorn off stage to the door. He looks tltrough
the cr.Lrtnin oi the do6r ipitrloio ntul
-,:trtoit'lt,d!_es the presence
ot'sontcone ioe hnaetlt seetr t1et. He siarts to ftrrnble ioitlt the doorktrcb, but
::.tttt'ittg nlot of trttuble-his titty ltnnds nre just bnrelv nble to ttrr n theknob, neut:rtinl nctualltl gettirtg
),,' tloor olten. .

F: tLLtlhl, itte

.

Titt yttrsott behitd the door seen$ to

sense thnt the child is hnaing trotrble nntl opets it hintself . The
rrger is about sirty
seaetftrl , his stnf ur e gioing n pozoerftll inrpr essiott. He lms a lo w, iohite benrrj
,or
r:'irrg;i1t dttitttr tohis chest,
a dnrk-gret1 fedora, a dark-grey ouercont, utLl n ltlack suit tLirdertrcntlt. He
-'.')r/rd-s itt corryittg n lorge,blnck bng, bending dott,tr to tnlk to the boy.
S:r'rr

STRANGER:
Jimmy, your father is dead. .Co upstairs rightnow and tell your mother
tir.-ri your father is dearl.
Tite bo!/ doesr't renct, He

11
stattls

.,.,i,l rLnzs back the it,sy he ctltltc.

there t'or n

nrornett staritry nt the Strmrge r. He eaeiftrLally ttLrns sroutul

-\ i)i{' n/orrtr , the Stronger stnrts to nnae nrotnd the hottse zoitlt a subtle sense of ptLrpose . He ptLts rioitttt
,:
l,og,.tokes ot'f his oaercoat nnd incket and plnces thent ott the rnck. There sri nbout three ti,ghts itt tlrc
'L
' -'ot.tt itthich he 1:troctc,l.s to.ttrrn off one by oirc. He t'olls tLp his sleeoes atd tnkes pnitftrttg sippties out
-'i iJrc bng. Using n rrtller, he goes to the nmin ionll nnd
Stnitfts it blnck, tnking tloiort fnnt'i')y picttrres as
:a srlrr-s ncro-s-s,

Tiit trnthet' etters, holding Jimnry's hmd, she is in

tramendous shock.

\IOTHER:

Is. . .um. . .is it true?

:CTRANGER:

Yes, Mrs. Ripfield. Your husband is dead.

Firl/.

\{OTHER:

Well, um. . .how did he die?

The stranger stops h.is ruork and puts dorun the brush,
She cries uncontrollably onto his shoulder.

He

goes

oaer to the rnother nncl giaes her n hug.

STRANGER: You have to understand that you will never see him again, Mrs. Ripfield.
You have to understand that though you've loved one another, it is inevita[le that we ali must
die, and any love you have for the dead is wasted in the wind.

�Bent

One day, you'llfeel stronger. . .

MOTHER

Who are you?

The Strntry(r releascs hcr ntd

STRANGER:

goc-s back to

ptnirtittg,

I doubt that matters much no\v. .

.

Beat

MOTHER:

Bnt, I, I don't understand. What are you doing? Why are you painting rn)-

rvalls?
Tlrt: Strtutger tnl&lt;es out sotttt ltushes autl ptoiut cans ntttl lmtLds tlrent f o the motlrcr artd sotr. Jitrutty ,1ii :
tJrc l',rush ntttl rturc uptstoit's,

STRANGER:

We harze a lot of r,rrork to do. Better that

r,rre

start now.

MOTHER:
No! I rvon't let you do this! I don't even knor.v you! What do the rvalls have
to do rvith my husband?
Not just the rvalls, Mrs. Ripfield. The tables. . .the chairs. . .the appiiances
STRANGER:
rugs. . .the floors. . .

1_2 . . .the

lin'utty rwns in chnsing a ztthite cat ittith his brtLsh,

STRANGER:

...Erzerythi.g...

MOTHER:
But this is MY HOUSE! I still have to live here! You can't just come in here
and decide to paint everything black! It's not rightl It doesn't rnake any sense! I rvon't let you
do it!
(as he hugs her again)

You CAN'TI You can't! You can'tl You. . .
STRANCER:
Shhh. Shhhhh. . .You're going to feel pain. You're going to feel ernpty
And you can't tell me rvhat I can and cannot do. He's gone, Mrs. Ripfield. No force on earth can
change that fact. And the sooner rve start the rvork the sooner the rvork rvill be finished.
(ioipitrg the tears t'ronther eyes)
OK?
He goes bnck to zoork on the ittnll . I lmnry is nlr eady

Sloioly her eyes go to the brush nnd can inher
to paitft it blsck.

pahtittg the door . The ruother

looks nt the tztto of thern.
hands. Softly sobbing, the mother goes orer to the couclt

md stnrts

The Sirmryer ttotices that there is still n considernble anrctuft of light contittg in from the ittirtdoitj, He
paints it black, squeezing the. light out of existence, As he does so, the stage lights sloztly start to t'ade

to blnck. .

.

END

�VrornrurMovtENT
we fall apart.
I unfold from your arms
while thundefrolls
over the autumn bones
of distant mountains.

I
Snow smothers the heavy
breath of my thoughts
deep beneath white.
call

Davlisht falls and lifts across hillsides
lik6 t]ie imprint of a tank tread Iight and dark and light...
feel

Rain crashes into the river,
slashes open the hill's cheek,
and is dabbed up again rain to river to rain...
time's

Wind rushes in and out,
shakes budding branches awake
slaps with frenzied swings east then west then east...

oiolent

We stretch against each other
oushine arms and legs around
hs the g"round's shoulders shift
crushing rocks against one another
in deep, heated caverns.
moaemettt.

we fall apart.
I unfold from your arms
while thunder rolls
over the autumn bones
of distant mountains.

ED MCGINNIS

13

�UxsusPECTrNG
TARAH TRIVELPIECE
The fire licking at my soul makes me wonder. I see him. He smiles. The words unspoken,
but the idea understood. He pulls me close and rehrranges our legs till I am where he wants
me. He asks, "Who are you?" I laugh and feel a trvinge of regret, but the regret dissappears into
a figment of a once felt emotion.
My mind racing, what about his roommate? (I dated him awhile ago and things really never
ended.) What will the other two unsuspecting people in this mess think?
I feel his breath on my face and the warm moistness of his tongue. I taste the mirage of stale
beer, iced tea, salt, and partial morning muck once his tongue finds mine. Nothing seems
important now except the presence of his body near mine. None of this r,r,'ill matter tomorrow.
14 I feel his passion rise up from him. His heart quickens.
Norv a dull flicker like an image blurred on a wall flashes against rny rnind. The
unsuspecting part of this game leaves as it came and I hold onto only my slight fear of losing.

Againlammovedsoheiscomfortable. Norvlamnotcomfortable...butldon'tchoosetorebel.
All my strength has left my body. AII that remains is the flickering image of what comes next.
He is kissing me again. My rnind tells me this is all so very wrong but can find no reason in
the corners of my brain to stop. My heart is past quitting this too reai garne.
AII there is...is him...the srnell of rvorn off after shave, the saltiness of his kisses, the beat of
his heart next to my body. While my mind and body search the corridors of experience a reason
to end the game appears.
In a musty, choked rvhisper I manage to mouth, "What aboutJake?" In an instant the game
ends. I pass the test of loyalty.
Somehor.v, throughout it all, rve remain friends.

�Praylxc TnE Gaus
inspired by MGhi
The way of the world sucks,leeching red
platelets to the surface in a feedin gfrenzy
of conforming feigned harmony.
Expunged we shuffle, sallow and anemic.
The way of the world liquefies you taking every unique
preciousness and single beauty btending them to create
your reality. And as we gel in the mo1d, cloned unidentifiably,
the varied ingredients always yield identical.
The way of the world drains every memory and replaces
the whole with clear clouded liquid. painted faces
dressed in their finest are sealed struggling within a nightmare.
And we have richly lost walking, playing the game.

TIM WILLIAMS

15

�Wunr SHr Hrans

Iru

Hrn HEap

Go on, cover your face
They all know why you're here
Your ghostly countenance speaks for itself
Tryilry to hide it doesn't mnke it go atlay...

Scream once more before you walk in the
house
Make believe you're huppy
The actress is receiving her cue

Smile when he greets you
He may be a stranger but he won't hurt you
Be complete and concise with your answers
Follow his instructions- it toill be okny

Degraded, dehumanized
You feel so empty
Vomit the vile out of your soul
Wash away the foul feeling of his poking-

prodding
Strip from the waist down
chnir nlong roith your
Set yowr dignity on
|he
Jeat$
YotL may as u,ell throru

it

a7L)ay--1/ott

ztott't

need

it

16

Now how do you feel?
The same-dirty, oiolated, raped
You're still the same iittle girl
That left the house earlier

Stop shaking you childish wench
This is the price you pay

Go on,look at yourself
Take one hard look at your reflection
What do you see?----n shndow of zttho yoLt once

lgnore the presstrre betroeen yotrr legs
Be indifferent to the surrowfiirtgs
The pnin you t'eel as he's pokittg your insides
Push it ittto the reseraoir ot'your nind

70ere

You're cold-you're trembling

You're such a child-if you only knew
Do you want your mother to hold your
hand?

No-you just zttattt to die
If you quit shuddering you can dress

It

IMere is your dignity?
looks like it's disnppenred

Every shred of dignity
Every ounce of respect
You once had for yourself is gone!
You foolish little bitch
have to learn the hard way
always
You
bury this deep in your memory
With all of the other htrrt
Go on, cover your face
You know why you were there
Tryittg to hide it doesn't nutke it go {tT ay...

Tears are rvelling in your eyes
Dry them-yott dott't tontft to drsztt atty
attentiotr
Good girl-you listen so well

HOLLY IONES

�"FoR CnYlNc Our LouD"
piaying with
dustY sunlight,
sneezing away
memories,
it shouldn't have
but it did
break
the

window
Pain

visions of the Past
etched into
the shattered glass

SUSAN KOVALESKI

17

�C\I
DECISIONS

AMY BLEASE

�UNTITLED

�I
'*

20

2x22',1,201,3

ROBERTWITTMAN

�.eL.l:;l

*i

lt'f;

f.'

I

i

.'.

"rl
..:,

21

CHANGES

AMY BLEASE

�22

UNTITLED
HENRY BISCO

�r:: 6n,,!.',
ry,
-':ii
"'\ &amp;; ':"
'"\"
" '^{I

i'n
"-*

":W f"' ::.-

',r'.f

*

r"'

^. ^

"'&amp;*r

,!1*
,;,.*^W.

o1

ZJ

nd

EVE OF THE SECOND MILLENIUM

DONNABYTHEWAY

�The smoke filtering
through the doorway takes

my mind back to

past

entrapments. Remembering.
My eyes are covered with the
blinders of the past.
I have spent too much
time in the old caverns of my
mind,looking for what to do
next. But the future holds not
even enough to conjure an
image of togetherness. I know

that image was here, I'm
absolutely SURE it was...
I don't know where it
went. I never will,I guess?

24

Damn,it'sback. Ican't
stand this. This blinding pain
that keeps catching uP with
rne. WHY...why can't it staY
where it was...in the Past!
Fuck, here...blackness
...in through the rnurky fog it
floats...love, lust, needs, men,

all the dancing images of
eternal mastering ideas.
Over...light seePs back
in...as he roils over to kiss me
before getting out of bed.

TARAH TRIVELPIECE

�I

_

___

LAZURUS AND THE BUTCHER
BERNIE KOVACS
Walking home through the poorly lit city

streets.

dodging traffic andmuggers.Lazurus felt thehairon thenape
of his neckstaudou eud, almostas if someonehadrun a small

electric current through his systein. Every part of his body

tingling. He sucked in a deep breath and looked around.
Nothing. No scents tickled his hypersensitive nostrils. no
was

betbre Lazurus, hands deep in the pockets of his blackieatts.
"Johnathan!" Lazurus staggered back as ifhit by a

physical blow, eyes wide with horror. Everything else
suddenly faded as he bumped against a garbage dumpster.
His bottom lip quivered with fear as he looked into the
forbidding almost yellow eyes of his adversary.
He was a sly looking man with eyes of pale amber.

human sweat ran across his taste buds. No thing breathed in

ravett's plumage, was slicked back to
reveal a long scar that ran from just above his leti eyebrow to
His hair, the color of

the small alley in which he uow stood.

Out there, he thought, was something unheard,
somethiug uuseelt. aud unsceuted; somethittg violent and
base. He could feel primal urges boiling like bile in his throat.
As his head began to throb with the blood of a dead man, he

a

the left corner of his forehead. The long puckered wound was

pale pink, a contrast to his almost marble like skitt. It had
the same creamy white pigment as Lazurus' own flesh, but
a

vomit. Lazarus leatted against the
sticky brick wall and coughed once to break the silence

seemed somehow more rigid.

surrounding him.

aud points. The man's eyes were set deep irt his gaunt face

felt

as though he might

His face was like that of

a

wolf,

a

picture of angles

and his cheeks were sunkeu. He had ouly olle large thick

Something was wroug here.

He scamed the alley tbr a second time. his eyes
cutting through its dark bowel as easily as a cat's. His

eyebrow that was now forked in a V, giving his akeady
malevolent looking face a more wicked cast. A large white

stomach was churning ald he felt dizzy. What could make

mouth encased pearly white teeth.

him feel like this'l He t'elt the thirst. red hot in this throat. a
beast ready to take control of the mortal coil.
"Jesus." he muttered. his face flushing with artother
man's blood. Something out there was tryiltg to etuage him.
send him overthe edge. Theurge to goberserkwas so strong.

He wore plain blackieals and a bedraggled pair of

Reeboks. His well muscled chest was visible berteath the
tight grey t-shirt he wore. A chain with an analchy symbol
dangled frorn his ueck. And when he smiled he looked like
the devil himself made flesh, pure spite and malice. Yet he

him. He was dark as

lip to restrain himself.
As he released his lower lip with a growl, blood
arched through the air. His canines stood crimson in his

had a certain beauty aud charm about

mouth. far longer than those of a nomal man. They glearned
the moon. and his tongue

resounding. When he spoke his eyes seemed to bore evetl
luilher inlo Lazurus' being.

licked the blood they had released as they elongated. He was
ready to explode. Every uerve in his body was tingling as if

Lazurus stood up against the dumpster for a few
seconds, stunued. His jaw worked tiantically but without

he had to bite his

a wicked

tlre.

ivory in the half light of

night, and just as beautitul-a geuuitte incarnatiotl of sin.

"Hello, Lazurus," he said, his voice deep and

The blood was coming close to the surface as he

e1lect. He closed his eyes tightly and thert opened them again,

started to sweat. He sarv stars explode betbre his eyes as he

hoping to dispel the illusion betbre hirn, but Johttathan was

strovetofightoff the hunger. He wasravenous with thirst. his

still there.

ou

Then Lazurus acted.

throat buruiug white hot.

"Stop it." he choked. Lazurus fell to his knees in the

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Lazurus howled. his

slime covered alley and cupped his hand over his face. Sweat

every fiber shahing with rage. The man who had toru dowu

was brealiiug out in l'reads all over his body, a sticky crimsoll.

his soul uow stood befbre him. smilirtg like a coyote. Lazurus

He let out a dull moan and pulled himself to his

planted his feet firmly and f'elt a sharp pain explode in his

1'eet. eyes

fingers as claws sprouted from unforgiving flesh. "You

closed.

He heard a cau clatter off the wall beside him and
opened his eyes. The hunger suddenly fled with the speed of

bastard." he groaned. eyes gleaming red in the half light. As
he spoke his accent grew more prorloullced.

"I'll

Hermes.

A mau of husky build and medium height

stood

have thy head," Lazurus snarled. He watched

blood spurt from his ellemy's rrouth attd hands as he

25

�lollou,ccl. He scaicd the shccr drop like att ittscct. clarvs attd

popped his claws and readied his teeth.

"Corne and get it. coward." Johttathan auswered in
deep accented English.

toes l'inding ninute crcvices to lirrcc hirll uprvarils. Hc
reachcd the top of the large building itt sccorlds.

Iu a secoud Lazurus covered the twenty foot gap
between them with a one tboted leap. He hit his rival like a
bullet. hissing like a jungle cat.

His cy'es spottcd the llccing form of Johnltthan as
soolr us he climbed ovcr the ledgc. Lelrping to his t'eet' hc
sar.'c chase. Lazurus' Iithe lbnu molcd *'itlt the grlcc of a
biril. jurriping ob.iects that laf in his path. Hc lbllou'cd the

The man in black rolled with the attack and regained

Darrined llialt over a thirti' foot spacc beltl cctr buildings and

Lazurus did.

his footing with speed that belonged only to the Damned.

kept aftcr him. blood stl'ctlniltg lt'orll all pcltes.
As he raced. Lazul'us lemplcs \\'el'e harr mering. He

"Thou art still the fool I left thee. boy." Johttathan
growled. coming in with his own attack. Lazurus ducked the
swipe and heud claws kiss off the stotle. Lazurus hit the

alr-nost reachctl Johna(hatt. Lazurus rl'as bltrcly thrce

shorter mau hard itt the stomach with his shoulder and
knocked him into the opposite wall with a crack of bone attd

plurrrnctecl ten stories to the cold. hard sideu'alk belorv.
Lazurus cursed hiniself as his lacc lregan to rekrtit.

brick.

He scrapped his ori,n bod)' fl'or"n thc ttorr' scltrlet sideu'alk and

Blood ran out of Johnathan's mouth as his spine
disirltegrated. As the spine quickly healed. Johnathan drove

scarched thc rotil'lops tbr ltrtl' sigrl of his l'lceing adverslrt.
He let out a roar as the rcalization that hc hail lost Johnathan

a powerful blow iuto the body of the blond haired warrior.

set

Lazurus f'elltoall lours androlled out of the way of ablow that

26

1-eet

behind the bastard u,hen he rniscltlculatcci a jurrlp atid

in.'He stoocl in thc lagged rertlains olhis clothes' horvling
like a Iunatic. Corninc pairtl'uily'to his scllse. hc tled li'otr thc

would have brokeu his back like a trvig.
Lazurus came back at the dark clad warrior like a
buzzsarv of tooth and clarv. They hit each other like two cats.

sccne to his honte.

hissing aud sttarlittg. Blood artd cloth f'lew as their teeth and

hrs

clarvs licked at each other's f'lesh.

his trancc-like statc. Lazurus took a l'erv scconds lo -set his
bcarings bclbre he glabbed thc phollc lhlrtt thc ertd table anil

Lazurus retnoved his eltemy's side with a swipe that
would have cut a lllortal in half. yet received a like blorv irt

Lazurus sat thcre il) his fhvor itc arlnchlir" pxlnclering

painful tcn stor)'ilrttp ri'hctt the pltorlc rartg. Stutlccl fiorrl

placcd it to his cru.

"Hello

kind.
The dark wamior f'ell back bleeding from

a

plethora

of wounds. Lazurus $ras stl'eaked in blood. his head burning.

vision red. All he could see was the matt who had tont his lif'e
to shreds. He had to destroy him.
Lazurus carne back with a high kick. Johnathan
easily panied the blo*,and threw his owtt low sweeping kick
at the blood covered warrior.
Lazurus jurnped the lightning fast kick and drove

L:,tl

l"

.

"Yes."

"It's

K1'1c."

"What's wrclng'?" Lazurus' l.rlou'knitled. Hc checkcd
the clockon thc *'all. It w'lts ottlv half arl hourllefore sutirise.
He u'as surprised K1'lc *'as ttttt lth'eadl' ltsleep.
"We 'r'e got a big proble tll." Kvlc saici.

"l ktlou'."'

his knee into his oppoltent's head rvith a reassurirtg crack ol
bone. The lnau staggeled back and came in again. blood

"You do'1" Kr'le soundecl stutlecl.
"Yes."

streaming tiom his shattered fbrehead. Lazurus blocked the

"Who tolci 1'ou'1" Kl'lc's voicc gre*' lllore ller\'ous.

left punch and ducked a right that shattered the wall behind
hirn. They were getting trowhere. They could tear illto each
other all night without end. neither doing the other auy real
damage. They were evenly matched.
Lazurus sarv the same thought ill his creator's eyes
knew
that the man meallt to escape. Lazurus ripped the
and
remains of the man's shirt from hirn with

a

swipe of inch long

talous to lbrce the Damtted man back.
But Johnathall was gone.

Lazurus' keeu eyes tbllowed the man's path up the
wall. Realizing that he would escape into the night. Lazurus

Luzurus didn't likc it.

"Noonc. I sa*'Jr.lhnathlttr tnr,se lf." Lazurus skiprpcd
over thc tlay. in the allcl'.
"Johnathan's here'l I didn't knort'1"
"what u,ere y'0u tllking almut thell':)" Lazurus askcd.
lheadv atl.aid the AIls\\'er u'ould be sollletllill-c \\'orse .
"Sorncone is out therc killinu the Darnned."

It u as.

�Gnacr
The absolute balance of zero
like an egg rolling end over end
on a high wire

or the slinky-like cascade of a dream
not falling
but rising on the wings of a thousand
mile-high butterflies
at any moment there is a flower
sucking up the sky

c7

moon whose stillness
resounds in stillness
Iike the skeleton of an unknown pianist
left marveling at the keys
a

and all the words any man ever said
however small
worlds themselves
blindiy speeding through the cosmos

undisturbed

BILL RASMOVTCZ

lJl

�LoosExuo
Mute morning air
hums deep
in content contemplation.
Beyond the window's reflection,
th6 sketch of a new Sunday
is slowly painted in.

My coffe.e mug,
wrapped warm ln my grlp/
oursed to mv lips,
ieleases tendrili of steam
to unfurl
drifting moments
to the ceiling...
curled
in our disheveled sheets,
you sleep.

ED MCGINNIS

28

It's days like this
I remember you.
Not the deeply imbedded
parts of you inside
my lining
but your laugh,
the thickness of your hair,
how you ruffled your jacket
against the cold and
slid behind the steering wheel.
Cold day cloudy day
perfect for keeping your body
here in my head
Never enough
I crack you
to crawl inside
and breathe air and blood
you never realized you had.

MARISARAE

�THn Pnrzn Irusmr THr CBnBar Box
KAREN RUDUSKI
The sun burned bright on a mid-summer day in July. It was Bobby's turn for lunch. He
left his cool home on the top of the Hill and descended in search of a meal. Nature sheltered
him from the intense heat of the sun, cooling the grass and flowers. He climbed to the tallest
point looking desperately for food. Sadly he found everything around him to be vacant,
except...
Across the Black-land was a feast to last the entire year. So he was on his way. Bobby
ran and skipped, walking quickly when he was tired. Meeting the edge of the Black-land,
Bobby halted. In the back of his mind Bobby heard the warnings of dangers of death. He started
in retreat obediently, but turned quickly in youthful rebellion to finish his duty.
Placing one foot into the Black-land, Bobby wondered if he would make it. He tried to
ignore his fear. He was young, energetic, and indestructible. He knew he would be the bravest
boy when he returned home with this feast. He would bring a small cobblestone for proof of
his journey, to show when he related the story in his older days. He would have done it once,
and once was just enough.
The burning ground made him scurry across the land, using ditches and boulders to
hide. In the distance he could see the edge to the other, safer side, the side that would serve
for his incr,edible food supply, and in turn define his reputation as the bravest and most
generous boy from the Hill.
He spotted his meal nestled between grass blades, concealed by nature, but identifiable
from his direction. He approached the area alert for possible harm and directed his movements
toward the feast. He reached it. He struggled rvith the great weight of the food. Wobbling once
or twice and then balancing himself, he set out for home. The bundle on his back was heavy
and he knew he would havJto walk directly through the Black-land instead of hiding as he did
in his first passage. Bobby remembered no problems before so he felt no fear.
He began walking steadily across, looking intensely for a cobblestone all the way,
finding none small enough for him with the enormous bundle he already carried. Looking
down he saw shadows that were massive and engulfing, falling in from overhead. As he went
to look for their origin, he became distracted by the perfect cobblestone.
He slowed and stopped to pick it up. After rebalancing himself a second time, he went
to continue. Noticing the intensified heat, Bobby felt extremely warm. He threw his concerns
aside, attributing his discomfort to a iong restless journey. It didn't matter now, Bobby could
see the edge of home and soon would be there with his impressive food supply. His travel story
would make him a hero and his name would be remembered forever. He was almost home.
He felt hot and tired, more so than before.
Keep going.
The intensity kept getting greater, his body fighting to release the heat. But it was not
releasing it fast enough.
Almost there.

Bobby felt dizzy.
Just a little farther.

The sun's rays seemed to be directed entirely on him, strengthening in impact with each
passing moment.
Bobby burst into flames, his ashes blending into the Black-land.
Erik's mother yelled from the house, "What did I tell you about settirtg sttts ort t'ire roith that
nmgrit'ying glnss?"

29

�"BEsr Davtru Popconx
I EvBn ArE"
Scary,
the moment fades

quickly
we forget the intensity
I thought,
perhaps,
glimpses of security
lay in your arms.
drifting away
forgetting to wish to forget
my stomach refuses
to accept

&amp;

*y

jaw aches
remembering.

SUSAN KOVALESKI

30

that sweatshirt of yours that
wound around my bedpost
that morning
swirls and churns
with my linen trousers
submerging

twisting
washing machine lust
I have you rvoven
in my net of shells
my thin painting shirt
is caught
in your mangle of sleeves
and my red silk panties
bleed
and stain you.

I can't help but laugh
and yet mourn
for your pink tangled armor.

MARISARAE

�THE NIGHTMARE

DEIRDRE SWINDEN
I woke to swollen fingers and sweaty fridge for something to munch on.

A11

that

eyelashes. My heart was pounding faster than

spoke to me was the leftover macaroni and

I could focus. I finally managed to find my

cheese

voice and scream.

into the microwave. I wandered over to the
fifth floorwindow and glanced at the sleeping

"It's alright, only a dream,,, I breathed,
"only

a

from dinner. I took it out and stuffed it

dream." And that's all it was, though

city below. New York never looked

as

my nose seemed to think it could still smell the

frightening at three-thirty in the morning

disgusting tendrils drifting up the stairs and

did at rush hour. Just the sleeping tights of a
city that someone said didn't sleep. I was

into my apartment. My lungs still felt the

as

it

constricting grasp of the smoky fingers they beginning to think they were right. I sure as
had inhaled. My hair still existed, but I put a heII couldn't. The
street was empty except for
hand to my head to check anyway. I always the cars parked along the curb.
Not a soul in
did.

And I always would.

sight. A few hours and it would be safe to go
for a walk. Safe, that was a term I didn,t 31

A yipe from across the room drew my reserve for New York. Funny, at the worst
attention. In the battle with my sheets my possible hours, the city always looked the
puppy had lost and he was only a third party.

sanest.

I was surprised he still slept in my bed. This

was the fifth time

I had

'nVell Jinx, maybe

it's time we told

tossed him off this

someone about this? Maybe Mom, or Jackie,

week, and it was only Thursday. Correction,

although Jackie would just tell me I was losing

judging by the clock it was Friday.

my marbles and driving her up the wall with

"Come here baby. I'm sorry Jinx. Did
I scare you? I gotta cutthat outdon,tl? If Ikick

allmy talk about dreams and never of men. I
still love him, and that seems to mean to her

you out, what am I gonna do when Michael that she has to gethim off mymind. Dragging
finally gets his butt across the country, huh?,, me to bars all the time in search of the perfect
Jinx crept over and whimpered softly. He hunk-o-manhood. /!
'

snuggled up to my leg, but didn,t get

Slurp and Jinx licked my cheek.

comfortable. He knew my nightmare ritual of

"I don'tthink she should either. Maybe

going to the kitchen to find something to eat.
Once in the kitchen,I fished around the

I

shouldn't love him, after all, he is in

California."

�Beep and the macaroni was ready.

waste of the money to get there' dream city.

"I think if I don't stop having

Mike used to warn me about cities. Until

nightmares I'm going to be one very fat, very

now

I had never believed him.

lonely woman."

"Honey, it is Friday night...What if Mike

Jinx barked.

calIs..."

"Thanks, thanks a lot. Come on, back

She cut me off.

to the pool."

"Ladies night and the drinks are half-

I'll see you at eight- and you best be

I checked the clock before I climbed in price!
to the soaked sheets. 3:45. Always the same.

lookin' good sweetheart." She turned and

Up at 3:00, back in bed at 3:45. I sighed heavily

strutted down the hall.

and closed my eyes to lay wide awake for the

"Alright, alright. I'11be an alcoholic by

three hours until my alarm sounded a new

the time I find a man but what the hell, it's

morning.

coo1."

"Oooo yeah. We is partyin' TO"Say what? Honey-girl, you have NIGHT!" Jackie hollered and laughed and
finally lost your marbles." Jackie turned her then ducked into her office. I stifled a smile

32 brown eyes in my direction.
"I knew you'd say that."

and whirled on my heel to return to my own

rathole in New York's advertising business.

"Girlfriend, you have got to stop Not much, but an office and some money
dreaming 'bout fires and start makin' some seemed pretty big

with some incredibly gorgeous hunk-o-

to

a small town girl like

myself.

manhood. We gotta git us to a bar tonight.

And a small town girl I was. I had

Forget that moron in California, he ain't ever

never seen the airport before the day Michael

gonna git his ass out here to see ya."

put me on the plane bound for New York. I

Much as she tried, Jackie simply remembered that day perfectly. His hands on
couldn't convert to New York black from my head as he promised he'd come visit.
"I'll be there, honest, honey. We'lI be
Georgia black. Maybe that's why we were
friends. We were both a bit lost in a city as big fine, don't even worry. Jinx'll be there with
as New York. Two small town sweethearts you. Remember when we got him?" I had
who had come looking to make it big in the smiled at that memory. The day we had
city they called New York. Though I was from gotten the two room house in the woods.
the mid-west,Jackie and I had somehow found

each other like magnets

in the 'fly-infested

Michael hadreturned home with the labrador
puP.

�"So we don't jinx the house against the

'pitter-patter of little

walls.

So I had to make rny bed

if I r,vas ha'u,ing

," he'd smiled. We'd

company. I didn't mind. But it was nothing

called him Jinx ever since. A tear had rolled

like the house. It didn't have the cozy feel of

dorvn rny cheek at that one and Michael

the trvo rooln shack Michael and I had spent

brushed it aside rvith his thurnb.

all our money on, all our time on. And it

feet'

"Baby,I don't want you to go just

as

much as you don't, but rve need the money.

gone.

A11 of

r.vas

it. Burntto the groundin the salne

fire that consumed my dreams. Maybe even

After the fire..." I had shuddered in the past, me if I hadn't heard Jinx whimpering. But it
just as I shuddered at the mernory.
was the past. All the past.
"Michael, rvhy can't i get a job here. I

want to stay, please..."

I

"Iir.xt" I yelled and

he

jumped from my

had begged. He pillorv to greet me.

shushed rne rvith a finger.

The fire had started in the kitchen and

"No. We talked aboutit allbefore. This

quickly spread to the living room area. I had

is best. When I'm back on my feet we'1l be

been outside, getting rnrood for the fire.

together again. I prornise."

Someholv the soup boiled away, maybe I had

"Hour long?"

spent to much time playing fetch r.vith Jinx.

"Ilorze you," he'd whispered and kissed

We had returned to the house and I rvas about

me. "And no rnore bad dreams, okay?"

to open the door

r.t

hen Jinx stepped back and

I had nodded.

barked. I had watched him. He sniffed the air

"I love you too," and I r.vas back in the

and barkecl again. My hand hovered above

present saying the sarne r.vords to the ernpty

the doorknob. I shook my head and turned

air. I shook the rnernory from my rrierv and set back to the door.

"Crazy n1utt,"

back to r.vork.

I

remember saying. I

dropped the wood. I might have...

At firre I rvalked frorn my building to The blast from the door knocked rne off rny
my rvarehouse apartment. It rvas roomy and

cheap and

it

r.vas actually

in a decent

feet and threnr rne clear of the house as it
folded like a piece of origami.

neighborhood. The living/dining/kitchen/

I shuddered and scratched

rvork area all ran together with rvood floor the
hiding under a ferv throrv rugs. I bounded up

linx behind

ears.

"I'm going out tonight baby. I'll

be

the spiral staircase that led to the bedroom/

back to have my nightly fight with the covers

bathroom. The bathroom

and throw you off the bed. If Michael calls you

r-La a*^-r*^-r

1Lar

r,vas the

only part of
.i.^ l.ifi^-^.^r

JJ

�dog barked happily and I scratched his ears.

"linxr."

Before long it became a wrestling match and

A yipe.

soon after time to go.

"Where are you?"

I stumbled out of bed. I hit the light
I stumbled into my room at about two.

Drunk

as

"Shit," I muttered and stupidly flicked

could be.

"Jit'txs?"

barked.

I slurred

switch and was plagued with further darkness.

and somewhere he

the switch a few more times.

I stumbled

toward the stairs.

"Come'ereboyr."

He bounded downstairs but didn't

And missed the first step.

j,rmp on me as he normally did.
'nVas wron Jinxs? Sumpin' wron bay-

I

remembered the nightmare on the

way down. In all its awesome power, the

BEE?"

dream had never been so real. The

He barked.

fall.

The

"Oh, well, you prolly try to tell me fire. The screaming, the whimpering. All real.
Mike called n I dun care."

everything

as

clearly

as the

dream

I had just finished viewing. Just before my
head hit the floor I saw my nightmare. The
out face down on my bed.
Jinx sat next to the door of the floor engulfed in a screen of smoke so thick it
apartment, sniffing the air cautiously and Iooked like fog. And the flames that would
I

j4

I saw

found my way up the stairs and passed

soon judge the door good enough to devour.

whimpering softly.

And my puppy.

Whimpering.

Whimpering.

I woke sweating pure alcohol. If I
wasn't careful I would catch on fire. My

Whimpering as the fake sunlight
showed him my lifeless body, passed out on

drunken mind was slower to focus tonight the floor. Whimpering

as the

hair on my head

and quicker to be afraid. And the smell of began to burn away and the skin on my face
smoke seemed to linger longer then

had. Then it hit me.
I was hot.

Not just nightmare hot.
I mean

lzof.

"Jirtx?" I called into the dark.

Whimpering.

it

ever

start to boil.

And that was all.
I usually woke up at that point. Only

I met and
married the hard wood'floor before I could
this time, I didn't have a choice.

realize it wasn't a dream.

And it never would be again.

�A Brrrrn Wolrax
If you licked her tears
If you licked her face
her dry smooth arms
her wet pungent crotch
You could taste it

It oozes from her pores
It purrs from her skin
It drips without a sound
from her hair
from her nose when she has a cold
from her mouth when she is sleeping
It puddles around her feet
on her pillow
on her windowsills like condensation
It grows wildly
exponentially
with every passing day
It leaks from her laughter
from her silent solitary orgasms
from her cactus her cooking her cracked
uneven kitchen floor her vacuum
her shadow
her prayers.

KAREI{ ZIAGOS

J)

�THE CoivrsssroN Or A DnUcHTER Or

CaIx

SUSAN KOVALESKI
After your soliloquy, I say to you: "I will always be lonely." Spring equals romance
equals bullshit, bullshit, bultshit. "The holy trinity blesses no union with me. I follow the

i6

rhythmical patterns of love's false promises, unable to change, just as the rain shattering on the
metal hood of the car cannot control it's course."
"You owe me no apologies. You could not control your part in my destiny for it was your
destiny, too. I will not cry for what I knew we never had. No one loves a loser, and I lost the
game long ago....."
Music plays in the silence between us, "All I rvanna do is have some fun..." whines
Sheryl Crow. You ponder my apparent self-loathing and apathy. There is no other way to
express what is reality for me. You are not the first to say those words. There is an honor of
brotherhood in refusing to iove me. "I won't tell you that you're the only one..."
I tell no friend my heart's secret,I never learned the fragile language of trust. Without
trust there is no love. Secrets aren't kept by hearts that love. Misery and silence have been
ordained my confidants. Beauty, intelligence, and wit engulf me in your presence; obesity,
disfigurement, insanity whisper behind my back. Curiosity kisses in moments of fleeting
passion. Reality kisses me goodbye...
The veins rvithin you pound with the steady rhythms of love's instrument. My arms
ache. "One last time before it's over. One last time and then the end," you beg, not waiting for
a response, not noticing the realization on my face. Your lips caress mine into an unwilling
response to their demands. You engulf yourself in your final taste of me,I watch us intertwine
from a distance. A voyeur to our last act, your last insult for me. You finish first leaving me
behind in your wake, as alr,vays, I hunger for more but your veins have ceased throbbing. I force
my hand'to touch yolt, yolrr throat, trace your jaw, brush the sweat from your temple. I pull
you back to me, tilting your throat to my lips. I taste the sweet saltiness of your throat, your
blood seeping between my teeth. But these lips still drink wine and I have not the stomach to
contain your life, yet it satisfies the hunger lingering within me. "Goodbye sr,veet innocence,"
I whisper to you, to me. The blade slices the jugular my teeth could not. I hold you as the life
and warmth drain from within your shell, turning the powder blue seats crimson. I rvatch over
you until the spirit tells me to move on.
Going forth into life. Stepping out of the car and into the rain, leaving behind your
cooling, stiffening, rotting body. I walk, rvalk, rvalk, until I find myself at the master's door. I
enter aware I am not welcome at his table. Hiding in a closet knorving it r.vill be years before
penance is over, years before life is over, and the torch is passed back, yet the fire has been
ignited rvithin me, grorving with each step. Opening the window searching for the light.
"Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been a lifetime since my'last confession."

�F

IANUARY FIVE 9 FIVE
Enveloped in the sea
of mist as each drop melts onto
every object and seeing is
not believing when two white eyes
emerge slowly as you approach
revealing a phantom engine
muffled and drowning in the sea
striving to get out as it plods
forward suffocating in the flood
and you stop
safe than
- better
sorry she said
but they come
backways, frontways, sideways,
cattycorner still, tired, hot
and short of breath before
accepting their place in the sea

TIM WILLIAMS

J/

�Bunnr Gnouxp

38

Clouds huddie
on horizons
preparing for fury with
ominous electrifying silence.
Shattered by the
collision of wills
tumbling
Amid thunderous
confusion
music emerges
skin glistening
sweet shrill pain
ground down to drudge
depths of the soul
sweating
bleeding
all past tears
pool into
open graves.
leaving behind
abandonment
old baseball bats
bloody syringes
lovers
still cling
the false
screaming for nudity
within &amp; without
burning eyes to
the
begging
go beyond surface tension
dive into liquid pain
baptized in reality
salvation comes
on the heels of
the storm.

SUSAN KOVALESKI

�I

Rarru

Suowrn

Drip
Drop Drop
Drip Drop
Drip
Drip
Drop Drop
DripDripDrip
Drop
CIean

Crisp

Cool
Rain

{
a

u
p

I

o

a

I

n

d

m

h

v

e

39

S

Run

Skip

u mp
S

P

H

L

L
P

A

A
S

I'm soaked
Who cares

PATTYPUERLING

H

�Npnrpn
Rapidly
rising ibove me on the staircase
oulline me up the staircase
i try to"find the face
in your yellow
cascade,

but each step
screams

under me like the straining high dive plank

I

hurtle off

Weightless we float
over three Iast steps,
Iaughter drops
out our lips.

49

Behind your white skinned door
still perfume fills
inhalations
sharp breaths
of after rain scents.
My eyes feel,your fingers
soueaK on
the loud'rush of bathtub water,
to test its texture
meticulous nails disappear
under racing white.
Suddenly!
vou are part of the room
in intimhte familiar fixture,
your scene
should not include me,
I
could push away,
push o*uy righf now,
before being caught
like a water drop
tossed gasping on
to some
hard, flat sun
warm
rock.
But black fingers roll around me
snuff every sound around the city
and an eniptiness splashes insidei your
house,
fills every corner with lack of presence,
extinguidhes everything
except this room.

This room is wet with steam
and my clothes cling close
and th"e white walls-are close
and everything is so close

there is no room in this room

until your eyes
prerce my eyes,
hook my skult,
oull me
back
where wide oceans lull.

Alazy rain, your eyes drift down.
Your first blouse button
slips out
of its eyelet,
a bright silver coin
sinking
deep into
a sifk blue pool
plunk.

plunk.
plunk.
plunk.
I reflect your undressing
watch you
watch ine
watch vou strippinq
a loie weath^ered sand,
pale andtan, smoothed
^ neck
byshoulders the
rvind.
breasts

bellv
thighs

one leg
enters the bath water,
steam

flows up your body
you kneel
water
glistens your light curls

I enter your element
submerge in heat
as an antient wave draws way uP to
spill its shadow on me one suspended
instant before you
crash into my chest to suck down our
SCNSCS.

ED MCGINNIS

�WIlrBs UNrvrnsrrY
Mmruscnrrr

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                  <text>Anyone can read or obtain copies of any of the material for research purposes, but if the researcher wants to quote from the materials, they will need to obtain copyright permission from the &lt;a href="https://www.wilkes.edu/academics/colleges/arts-humanities-social-sciences/humanities/manuscript/index.aspx"&gt;Wilkes University Manuscript Society.&lt;/a&gt;</text>
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